| Midnight Maurauders |
[Feb. 1st, 2010|04:35 pm] |
The splinter in the finger day:
So after a pretty shitty week, I'm hoping things are gonna get a little bit better now.
Nothing to dramatic, just cash flow issues (again). I knew things weren't gonna be easy when I moved here, but safe to say its been a lot harder than I first thought.
I am loving uni though to be fair, it has made me a lot more open and comfortable with myself, and made me discover things about myself, that I didn't know four months ago. I have an amazing group of friends who I love SO much.
There's also MR DW, who, although I have feelings for I know its not going to come to anything more that it is but, I enjoying being with him. He makes me feel settled, and comfortable with what I like. It's nice to have a like minded person, that I can share my ideals with. And he 'gets' me....and knows how to get me hooked ;)
Thats all for now, just checking in.
But everythings cool :)
♥ |
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| Making Faces |
[Sep. 23rd, 2009|02:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
Sooo...
I got to Uni, and I'm hating Uni, we've been told to start our first assessments yesterday which is in the form of a book, self portrait being the front cover, so I am salt dough-ing a mould for my face to fill with plaster of paris, and paint wih my make-up and decorate the back ground- which I hope will be quite a good and original idea, but will probably be not at all what they are looking... Fun times
I miss my Sunshine,
A Fuckin lot a bit. :( Come here pretty.
xxxxx |
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| Golden Brown |
[Sep. 14th, 2009|02:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
I've stooped to the levels of fake tan, Oh dear.
xxx |
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| Caught myself |
[Jul. 21st, 2009|11:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
Fuck, so its crazy to think how much things can change in a year. I think I held myself together pretty well really, thumbs up. I still miss him, my little supertramp.even if he's a total dick. Little things make me think of him, songs and places and stuff. And lately I find myself getting lost in memories of little moments, our first trip to Charlestown with the nervous kisses and our first night in wales, ha ha ha him complaining in Cardiff about me being 'lubed up' with skin cream, but the one that gets me most is when we broke up, and i sat curled up crying on his dorm floor, and he scooped me on to his lap and put his arms round me like he was trying to stop me from falling apart. I dunno why but that makes feel shit all over again, when for so long I've been fine.
I hate being lonely, and I'm getting pretty scared about uni now. Having no one to talk to, and the possibility of bumping in to Dan up there, with his mates thinking they know everything and lookin down there noses at me. Happy days. To be fair I am looking forward to it more than I was, I keep getting this funny excited knot (along side the crazy anxious one) in my stomach everytime any thing art or fashion related comes on the tele, or I'm in a book shop. Which I should imagine is a good sign. I'm also hoping that I can get start to clear my head of Dave, as at the moment he's pretty much taking up all the available space in my brain. I'm gonna miss him like crazy, but I think it's the best thing as I know he's just a player, and I'm the mug thats inoring the fact that I am being played.
I'll never learn.
Come on Uni...Get me away from here.
New start x |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2008|12:34 pm] |
I'm so tired of feeling shit now, and feeling like there arent enough tears to show just how crap I'm feeling. I don't want attention I just want this horrible feeling to go away. I want to feel like I'm actually worth caring about. This aint just a rant about boyfriends but friends as well. It's been ages now since I've been out and had a real laugh, actually enjoyed myself with out something shite nagging away at the back of my head.
I want Dan to stop being such a cunt to me. But the more he does it the harder I find it to get over him, I know that is a bit backwards but, its how it is. I need him and I havent ever felt so empty before, he was the one brilliant thing that I had to look forward to ... and now I havent really got anything, every day is just another routine day, wake up go to work..go out somewhere go to bed, start again and repeat and its getting to the point I cant be fucked with anything, where I would just like to turn off time and sit there so my brain could switch off and I could just stop worrying. I love him with all my heart, and I cant stop thinking about him, it's scary feeling so obsessive...but everything reminds me of him, music, work, my room my house, and I just want to get over it and I cant...He's over me and I doubt whether he actually gave a shit about me in the first place, cos if he did he wouldnt wanna hurt me this much...when he doesnt text for months then calls once and I dont hear from him, I'm constantly waitin, and hopin that I'll hear from him, he has to stop getting jealous about my text or calls or friends because it just gets my hopes up, and then when I realise it doesnt mean anything it breaks my heart all over again. Ijust want him to be a little considerate of my feelings, just so I know what the fuck is happening cos I feel so shit at the minute. I know I'll get over him and there's plenty more fish in the sea and all that bollocks, I aint stupid....I'm just hurting so much. I wanna know what I did that was so shit, and why I suddenly wasnt worth it anymore.
I dont want anyone else
Just him.
Always has been. But I guess I am shit.
Work sucks I just wanna get out now, I'm kicking myself for quitting college, I regretted it as soon as I did, hindsight and all that, but now it feels like I am just running round in circles and that I aint ever gonna get anywhere, I want uni and I want traveling but I am so fucking stupid that I ballsed all that up aswell. I cant seem to keep anything good. I just want something to turn out right. I kinda need it to now. Just one thing. anythin. I want to go Brazil and have a wicked time and teach and stuff but I know I'll never get there.
I'm so Tired.
Laters x |
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| Feelmelikeaspinaltap♥ |
[Oct. 11th, 2007|05:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
I miss my bobba, nearly 7 months now and still going strong....I cant wait to get to Wales. I think about him all the time ya know, theres not a second that goes by that I'm not wishing I was there with him, I hat ethe distance and I hate the lack of trust but we can do this I know that we can cos we love each other....He's beautiful....I miss him so much.
Role on Wales, role on getting rid of this fucking car, and getting myself up with my boy so that I can be happy. And make something of myself. I love him and I love how he believes in me....Gorgeous |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2006|01:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
I miss him.....after seeing him the other day, I just wish I could talk to him you know.
It sucks a little.
I like him ya know...and it sucks....because I havent felt like this....it's not how I normally feel....I cant explain it....usually I like someone alot....and get the butterflies and stuff....but can get fed up....with dan I just cant seem to get enough of him.it weird....nice kinda, but weird.
I know nothing is gonna happen, and I know I probably wont see him again, but it was nice spending so much time with him.
gonna go shattered....x |
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